You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
