I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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