I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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