i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
