Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
