so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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