we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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