i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
