Don't make out with my wife yet
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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