you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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