i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
