You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
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I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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