I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
