you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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