btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
