Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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