What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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