Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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