My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We are two peas in an std pod
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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