he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My life is pants optional.
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