In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
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I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i believe in u and ur pee
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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