Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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