I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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