oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
