There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
