i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
