I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
