I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
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In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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