you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
