I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
