Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
