im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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