guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
