Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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