u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
