the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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