i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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