my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
