Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
