There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
youre lurking in front of me
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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