Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
