Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
