just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize