No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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