i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
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Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
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He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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