I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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