Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
