i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
