i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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