mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
