Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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