Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage