You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.