my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
