he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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