so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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