Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(501): View more from Arkansas

i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.

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(208): View more from Idaho

aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.

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(310): View more from California

Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult

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Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Read it at the TFLN blog
(847): View more from Illinois

If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it

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(916): View more from California

If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present

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(206): View more from Washington

I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.

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