Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials

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  (815): I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials http://tfl.nu/tg93
  Replies (11) Good night (1089) Bad night (3451)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day

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  (817): Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day http://tfl.nu/cyg4
  Replies (16) Good night (960) Bad night (3638)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.

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  (610): Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon. http://tfl.nu/dlc4
  Replies (21) Good night (2873) Bad night (2402)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics

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  (917): Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics http://tfl.nu/t7mh
  Replies (7) Good night (3111) Bad night (1668)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.

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  (262): We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool. http://tfl.nu/01zv
  Replies (25) Good night (7492) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.

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  (215): the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign. http://tfl.nu/j53c
  Replies (7) Good night (3241) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.

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  (316): He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed. http://tfl.nu/yb8r
  Replies (5) Good night (2399) Bad night (793)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me

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  (970): Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me http://tfl.nu/7cqx
  Replies (5) Good night (2487) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did

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  (610): You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did http://tfl.nu/pssp
  Replies (3) Good night (1384) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.

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  (973): Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool. http://tfl.nu/yku5
  Replies (16) Good night (571) Bad night (2830)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.

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  (215): she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here. http://tfl.nu/hoyt
  Replies (8) Good night (966) Bad night (730)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.

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  (618): I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away. http://tfl.nu/0di0
  Replies (9) Good night (912) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.

  (802): View more from Vermont

  'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'

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  (802): Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday. (802): 'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!' http://tfl.nu/efoo
  Replies (3) Good night (995) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?

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  (207): You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet? http://tfl.nu/ukgu
  Replies (5) Good night (993) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.

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  (519): Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome. http://tfl.nu/nhsm
  Replies (5) Good night (427) Bad night (143)

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