You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.