you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
