dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
