The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
