She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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