careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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