Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
